I swore I wouldn't read the Twilight series. I swore it on the grave of my as-yet undead parents.
I'm on book three. I hope that doesn't bode badly for their continued health.
We're not going to discuss Jennifer's lack of resolve in such matters. It's beside the point. I am able to resist the lure of pop culture- *cough* Gossip Girl *cough*- but I decided to tackle this one after someone compared Stephanie Meyer to J.K. Rowling within my hearing.
Bish, plez.
So here is my (maybe slightly biased) review of the first two books of the series, Twilight and New Moon.
I'll give Meyer credit: she can write. She has good characterization, good setting, and her plotlines are relatively interesting. I could relate to many of the characters in her books, from Charlie to Jacob and Billy, to the rest of the Cullen family. They were interesting, they were believable, they were (even in the case of the vampires) human. There were a few things that irked me, though.
My problems with Twilight:
1. Our heroine. Bella Swan. I can get past the clunky, obviously contrived name. After all, I freely admit to liking to read Lilith Saintcrow books, and her naming schemes are just ridiculous. I'm not a big believer in naming the heroine of a novel something so obviously... princess-y, but to each their own.
Bella's supposed age. Bella whinges more than my fifteen year-old cousin. In fact, I think my cousin probably has more emotional maturity. She's described as being a junior- she should act like a junior, not a kid fresh out of middle school. Also, she's been 'taking care of' her ditsy mother. That should have imparted some sort of maturity to her. Also, most of the children of divorced couples I know tend to mature faster than the children of parents who are still together. This is not the case for Miss Bella Swan.
Bella's sense of martyrdom. She made the decision to go to Forks to live with her dad, knowing already that she hated the place. Hearing her bitch and moan about it every other paragraph (okay, maybe not, but it seems like it) just got old, real fast. She hates the rain, she hates the cold, she hates the boredom... Blah, blah, blah.
Bella's helplessness. Bella is self-described as a klutz, and admirably lives up to the name. I realize this is one way for the author to try to make her more human, but it registers on my feminazi bonerkiller* radar as trying to make her more helpless, thereby making it possible for the hero to sweep her off of her feet more easily. This perceived helplessness makes it possible for the males of the story to keep metaphorically leading her around by the hand and patting her on the head for not breaking a leg every other day. Ugh. If you want realism, I'd rather see an author go for a little more cellulite, maybe some split ends, something over a size zero in the ladies section.
2. Our hero. He sparkles. I can not get past that. He sparkles. That is all.
...
Okay, not really all. But that really bothered me. It was like saying, 'Nothing appeals to teenage girls more than sparkles! Let's throw some of those in there somewhere! The book will sell better!' Give me some good old-fashioned preternatural seduction, Lestat-style. The sparkles can go out the window. And don't get me started on the sparkliness in the movie. We don't want to go there.
Edward's 'addiction.' He likens Bella to crack. And not in a good way. He's attracted to her because of the way she smells. And to the fact that he can't read her mind (ergo, cannot control her, through knowing what she's thinking). That would be a warning sign to me.
Edward's stalkerish behavior. He watches Bella while she sleeps. Okay, that right there is just creepy. A girl should be able to enjoy the privacy of her own room at night, be able to fart, scratch her ass, and pick at her panties without some dude watching on. Not to mention keep any sexy-time dreams to herself.
Edward's hardness. Not really an annoyance, but it made me laugh throughout the entire book. Meyer kept describing Edward as 'hard.'
Edward's martyr complex. It goes something like this: "Oh Bella, I love you, but I shouldn't. It's bad for you. But I can't keep myself away. But I should keep myself away. But I can't because you're my crack!"
*headdesk*
Edward's wearing of the pants. A relationship is a two-way street. Yet time after time, we see Edward making the decisions. Understandably, he's older, he knows more, blah blah blah. But Bella's feelings and opinions should weigh in there somewhere. The fact that he kept making decisions without listening to her made me want to smack him upside his sparkly head.
3. Sheer stupidity. If I suddenly found myself the recipient of the affections of a hundred-something year-old vampire, I would be asking a lot of questions. Like: what do you eat? That one right there is kind of important. Also, being a history and mythology buff, I'd totally be asking all kinds of questions about the supernatural world around us. Does Bella do that? Nope. Just, "Edward, I love you! I want to be with you forever!"
4. Lack of role model material. The target audience for these books are tweenagers and teenagers. Good for Meyer for not throwing any gratuitous sex or unnessecarily foul language in there for the kiddies- they get enough of that on cable TV. But Meyer does not create a role model in Bella that I would consider appropriate for would-be young adult women. Bella is easily lead around, can't make her own decisions, needs rescuing all the time, and does not consider the consequences of her actions. She uses her femininity to gather information, rather than her wiles (ie, through flirting with Jacob while fishing for information, when she obviously knows already that he has a hard-on for her). She also wasn't very smart about the whole James/trap thing. My inner Ackbar was screaming, "It's a trap!" from the moment he called her.
My problems with New Moon:
New Moon can be summed up thusly:
Bella: "I have a hole in my chest. I think I'll act like an idiot, thereby making everyone around me worry about me even more, while my fragile, love-torn psyche tries in vain to heal this hole. Did I mention I have a hole in my chest?"
Edward: "Oh Bella, I love you, but I shouldn't. It's bad for you. But I can't
keep myself away. But I should keep myself away. But I can't because
you're my crack!"
Bella: "There's a hole in my chest."
Ad infinitum.
*headdesk repeatedly*
Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy the two books that I've read, I just don't see them as the pinnacle of teen lit that they've been described as. I'm happy whenever anyone manages to get teenagers to read anything longer than the back of a cereal box. That's a pretty big accomplishment considering today's bit-size attention spans. I just wish that our teen book fads were a little more... intelligent.
We'll see where the rest of the series takes me. Stay tuned, sports fans!
*feminazi bonerkiller: (n.) a woman espousing unpopular, feminist views, often killing the fun in a given situation by asserting her womanhood
0 comments:
Post a Comment